A friend of mine has worked almost her whole life. Even in elementary school she helped her parents keep their restaurant going. So it was quite a shock to her when she had to stay home for three weeks while she changed jobs.
“It was so boring!” she said. “I would get up and not even shower all day.” And she stayed in that sad state until her husband finally asked how long it had been since she washed her hair.
My friend doesn’t have children, yet, but she questioned me about being a stay-at-home mom. “I just can’t live that way,” she said. “I would get so depressed.”
It can be depressing to be a stay-at-home mom, especially if you live the way my friend was living—no contact with people, no hobbies or interests, and too much TV.
I remember when I first came home to be with my son. I was definitely busy taking care of my little baby. But I was also depressed. I often felt useless to the world, left out of society, boxed in or imprisoned at home. Every day was the same thing—get up, feed baby, put baby to sleep, read about baby, clean house while I had the chance, feed baby, change baby … on and on until I fell asleep that night.
There were lots of tears and feelings of loneliness. But then I got three pieces of advice that helped changed my attitude from gloomy to glad.
First, always take a shower and get ready for the day. When Benjamin was a newborn, this was my one priority. Sometimes it was the only thing I accomplished outside of his needs. But if that was done, I considered my day productive and successful.
Taking the time to shower and put on makeup makes a mom feel clean, refreshed, and prepared for the day. If an unexpected visitor comes, it takes away the embarrassment of not looking your best. If your husband wants to take you to lunch at the last minute, you’re ready to go. You don’t have to look like you’re dressing for the opera. Just a t-shirt and blue jeans will do. A shower and a ponytail do wonders for a new mom’s self-esteem.
Second, cut down on screen time. When I came home, I wasn’t used to the silence, so turned on streaming or scrolled social media. Those flashing images were addictive, though. Soon I realized I was wasting my precious little time watching nothing, and I mean NOTHING. I didn’t even like some of the videos I was watching—it was just so hard to turn them off!
There is very little to be gained from screen time. Too much is a time thief and a brain washer. Look at any study on screen consumption, and they all generally say the same thing—cut back. It seems that our grandparents weren’t too far off when the told us that television was rotting our brains.
Instead, use that time to read a book, go for a walk, read to your baby, go to a park, visit a friend or relative. You’ll get better use of your time with activities like these.
Third, create a schedule for yourself. This was probably the most important piece of advice I received. Schedules for babies are important, but I believe schedules for moms are just as important. They give structure to our days, space to enjoy activities, and time to get work done.
When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I felt like I was working all the time and not getting anything finished. Then a friend mentioned that it was “laundry day” at her house. It never occurred to me to set aside a certain day to do laundry.
So I adapted a schedule of my own. Mondays became my laundry days. On Tuesdays I finished laundry and cleaned the kitchen. Wednesdays and Thursdays were special project days. Fridays were usually filled with shopping or running errands. And weekends were set aside for rest and recreation, no housework.
Having a schedule helped me know what to do each day, and aiming at a goal gave me a sense of accomplishment when a chore was finished. That made me feel like there was a beginning and an end to the things I do at home, instead of an endless circle of chores.
If you’re feeling depressed, try making some of these changes. A change in your daily patterns will transform your outlook. And know that you’re not alone. I’ve been in your place before, and so have many other moms. Have a heart to heart talk with some of the moms in your church and other social circles, and you’ll see that what you feel is common. Keep hanging on, and you’ll eventually get through these feelings to the other side.